I may love my wife more than God.

Honestly, to even type those words makes me feel icky.  But, if you really think about it…it’s worth exploring and dealing with.  I have discovered this seed in my soul that have turned into something I never wanted it to be.  In Christendom we make blanket statements without really breaking down the realities of them in our lives.  “Prayer is powerful” “I Pray all the time” “The Bible is the most important book in my life” “I love God more than anyone else in my life.” All of these are true statements, but we’ve taken them on in a very self-righteous manor.

This is where my own self-righteousness came to a head.

Do I love God…Yes, yes!

Do I love my wife…Yes! (it has to be less yes’s than God)

How do I love God more than my wife? (oh boy!)

Do I long for God more than my wife?

Do I desire to communicate with God more than my wife?

Do I miss spending time with God more than my own wife?

As a husband I long to be physically and emotionally connected with my wife.  I sat down and really came to an honest conclusion: I do long for my wife more and that’s a sin (Ex 20:3).  Practically, I think more about getting home to communicate with Patti than I do my own Heavenly Father.  I long to be physically connected to Patti (stats says that 54% of men think about sex everyday) even though the call of Christ is to “abide in me”(John 15:1-8).  I give God my 1 hour 1/2 in the morning, but during the day I really don’t desire or even miss not having more of that time.  On the other hand I see my wife in the morning and desire all day to get home to see her again…AHHHH!  Do you see what I mean…  God knows my heart and he knows I really do want and desire Him, but something needs to change, so this is what I’ve been doing.

Repenting- I have been admitting out loud to God that this is a struggle and that I desire to be more connected to Him than anyone else.  This has caused me to fall to my knee’s in a very real way, lift my hands to God and cry out.  After this I have to change the way I am currently living (repentance is so much more than praying, it turning away from your current sins (Acts 3:19))

Meditation- The scriptures that I read in the morning in my date time with God, I dwell on them as truth through out the day.  I praise Him for the truths that scriptures reveal about Him. (Psalms 119:97)

Praise- I’ve been taking moments in my day to sing…sounds weird, but try it. (1 Chron 16:34)

Community-  I’ve intentionally sought out ways to tell people my struggle and ask for their prayers. (Prov 27:17)

The truth is most of us struggle with this, but it’s hard to admit.  I can’t tell you the joy and freedom that I have experienced as a result of admitting this to God and moving forward in it.  Join me and admitting your sins, repenting, meditating, praising, and supporting each other as we strive to fall in love with God more than anything in this world.